Knowledge is power
I’ve never been one for small talk. It’s called small for a reason after all. We’re all hurtling towards the future far too fast for a discussion about the weather or traffic jams. Me? I like big talk. Wide talk. Talk so expansive it’ll leave us breathless. The kind of talk that runs up a phone bill and charms your pants off. Because what’s a meeting of minds without a little skin on skin?
Perhaps you’ve heard about me? Good things I hope? Or maybe a few very bad things indeed. Forget the rumours. Let’s get to know one another a little better.
I’m Louisa, an independent private companion and accomplished trouble-maker. Despite my butter-wouldn’t-melt demeanor, I’m a lapsed good girl with a wit quicker than Dorothy Parker in a stolen Aston Martin. I like the remarkable, the exceptional and the surprising, and keep company with men and women who seek out the same. I take lovers in London, but also travel internationally, global pandemics permitting.
I was born in the city, but was packed off to boarding school somewhere far too rural and quiet. Accordingly, I’m the product of an excellent education and a voracious curiosity that sometimes gets me into trouble. I’m unashamedly cerebral: I believe that truly exceptional encounters begin in the mind and that ideally they end with us both seeing stars. My hobbies include scenic European train rides, overusing em dashes, live art and fitting other things in my mouth besides the silver spoon.
My background may be traditional, but my desires are anything but. I have a rebellious streak reserved for those that can keep pace. My tastes are wild, indulgent and a little brazen. I’m the first one to suggest a midnight skinny dip and the last one standing at an orgy – then back to mine for a night cap. I know my way past some of the city’s most exclusive velvet ropes, and If you ask very nicely, I’ll throw a party in your hotel suite that you’ll never forget.
Despite (or perhaps because of) my day-to-day assertiveness, I have a particular love of erotic submission. . If you’re looking to indulge your more dominant side, I’ll take great pleasure in obeying your every command. However, the kink’s not compulsory: All of us are so much more than just one thing, and I’m as interested in losing myself in intimate, GFE encounters as I am in something edgier. Ultimately, I chase genuine experiences that leave me wanting more, whatever roles we take behind closed doors.
My client list is carefully curated – I’m selective about who I spend my time with, and favour genuine connections over cursory encounters. I get on best with those that are looking for an equal, and aren’t intimidated by intelligence or confidence. I have my own tastes, preferences and ideas, and I’m not shy about making them known. For me, attraction is about more than just aesthetics. Originality, authenticity and charm matters hugely.
If you’re someone that feels the same – someone that expects the very best, appreciates the unexpected, and pursues the truly unforgettable – then let’s talk.
A little more
I’ve always agreed with Forster; connection is all we ever truly have. Lock eyes with a stranger, take their hand, and the world feels a little less strange for a while. I wanted a life rich in inspiring conversation, fierce independence, nervous butterflies, breathless laughter, speechless beauty, standing ovations and late night confessions. A life defined through desire. So, with the help of some rather exceptional men and women, I built one.
I think of myself pansexual – I’ve never had a physical ‘type’. Instead, I connect with people with keen minds, dirty chuckles and a healthy scepticism towards everything society deems ‘respectable’. I don’t subscribe to monogamous relationships, as I’ve never believed just one person can meet my needs. I’m unapologetic about what I want. In a culture that teaches us to inhabit our bodies rather than really experience them, being bold about your pleasure is a radical thing.
I’m more interested in depth than surfaces, and as such, mine is a more natural aesthetic. I’ve no piercings or tattoos (although I love them on others) and am saving the cosmetic surgery for when I grow old disgracefully. I’m comfortable in my own skin, in a way that I hope enables others to be too. I don’t take myself too seriously, either. I laugh easily and often, especially at myself and Chris Morris shows.
As you might deduce from this site (described diplomatically by my lovely web designer as ‘a touch verbose’), in my other life I’m a writer – of articles, copy and terrible poetry which I promise never to subject you to. I’ve always had other careers outside of this, but I’ve never found any thing else that matches it in terms of satisfaction and excitement. However, in everything I’ve ever pursued, clothed or otherwise, it’s communication I’m especially drawn to.
When I’m not bashing away at a keyboard, I’m an architecture and design enthusiast, and am currently in the process of renovating a beautiful old farmhouse with a leaky roof. I’m also a theatre-goer, a fairly decent cook, a podcast fiend and a squash player (where what I lack in finesse I make up for in swearing loudly at my racket). I drink dry gin martinis as if they’re going out of fashion and listen to music that did years ago. My favourite writers include George Eliot, Dennis Kelly, Margaret Atwood, Angela Carter, Roberto Bolano, Chris Kraus and John Banville.
The qualities I most admire in others are empathy and creativity, as well as the ability to choose a good bottle of wine. My ideal man is Robert Redford in The Sting, and my ideal woman is Hedy Lamarr. I have a weak spot for La Perla lingerie, people being kind to one another on public transport, Ernő Goldfinger design, cigars, anxiety-riddled Late Victorian literature, Aesop toiletries and Piet Oudolf gardens. I can eat an impressive amount of oysters, and often do. I keep a google doc of London’s most private tables and booths, for when you vant to be alone Dahlink!
So, that’s the who, now to the whats. What are you in the mood for? Let’s put our heads together and plan some well-heeled mischief.
We can while away the hours in my Central London apartment, exploring your deepest desires and whispered fantasies. If you prefer to go out, let’s flirt over dinner and drinks before retiring for pudding. If you’re craving something cultural, or perhaps just a little unusual, I’d love to show you my London. Of if you’re day dreaming of a slower pace, we can escape the city entirely and find somewhere green, pleasant and with a luxury spa attached.
I play especially well with others, so perhaps we could also invite one of my friends to join our tryst. And if your prefer your flings a little further-flung, I travel internationally to meet foreign lovers.
Will you take my privacy seriously?
Loose lips sink ships, so my entire (impeccable, ask your friends) professional reputation relies upon my discretion. I will only ever ask for screening information as means of ensuring my well-being, If you have particular data protection concerns, I’d recommend making contact using a secure service like Protonmail. I know that our meeting will be even more memorable if we can both fully relax in each others’ company — if we feel mutually safe and trusting . If you’re concerned about running into acquaintances whilst we’re in public, I can recommend plenty of dark corners for us to spend an evening in. Or there’s always room service.
Can we correspond over email in advance?
Absolutely. This is the process: You use my contact form to send me a charming introductory note, along with screening and possible dates. My assistant will respond, and take care of the wheres and the whens. Once those are taken care of, you and I will chat directly, either over email or phone to introduce ourselves. After that, we let the anticipation build until our date. In the interim, if you're craving a little more of the written word, have a look at my blog for my longer form writing or my twitter if you prefer something short, sweet and meme-filled.
Do you only do kink?
Life would be rather boring if we only stuck to one thing. Whilst I’m undeniably partial to BDSM, I also genuinely enjoy more ‘vanilla’ encounters, and sessions of a GFE nature. For me, it’s variety that keeps sex exhilarating.
Can I buy you a gift?
I’d love that! Every girl loves gifts. My favourite tipples are champagne and good whisky (nothing too peaty) and all my favourite perfumes are made by Miller Harris. Otherwise, I like lovely things from Italian delis, anything cashmere, Net a Porter vouchers, Le Labo Fig candles and interesting ceramics.
Do you have any friends that could join us?
Most definitely. Threesomes and group sex hold a particular charge for me, especially when it comes to kink scenes. You can read more about my friends and preferred play partners here. Also, if you’ve previously met with any of my friends (or any other independent providers for that matter), do let me know so I can contact them for a reference. I always prioritise clients that are able to provide these.
Do you have any tattoos or other distinguishing features?
No tattoos and only small piercings (single studs in my ears). I prefer more of an ‘all natural’ aesthetic, and haven’t had any cosmetic surgery. I don’t tend to wear heavy make up, and prefer something chic yet understated. However, I do enjoy vamping things up a little more if a lover enjoys a bolder look, so feel free to ask and I'll smoulder you to death.
How much notice do you need in advance of a meeting
Whilst this rather varies depending on commitments such as travel, my diary tends to be full at least three weeks ahead. It's worth noting that I split my time between London and a country bolt hole, so same day bookings are a bit like trying to touch your elbow with your tongue. Advance notice is a form of foreplay in my books.
Do you *party*?
Unlike Salt-N-Pepa, I do not like to party. For the uninitiated, this is a euphemism for drug usage. I don’t use drugs with my clients, and ask that you don’t arrive to our session drunk or under the influence – although if you want to use poppers, that’s absolutely fine. For reference, I don’t smoke cigarettes either. The occasional cigar, on the other hand, is always a treat, and I'm occasionally found peering into the Savoy's humidor.
Can I see a list of services that you provide?
I aim a little higher than acronyms. Every date is based on our personal chemistry, and what we're both in the mood for that day. As such, and because I am not a takeaway restaurant, I don’t publish a check-list or menu of activities for clients to pick from. If you’re seeking a more cursory encounter of this nature, I’m probably not the provider for you, especially as my minimum date length is 2 hours. Furthermore, some of the services I offer are discretionary, so it’s best to contact me directly to discuss what you’re looking for.
Where will we meet?
I see clients mostly in London. If we’re meeting for an incall, I’ll host you at my apartment near Shoreditch. Once away from the hustle and bustle of the city, I’ll whisk you into a space that is elegant, clean and calm. It’s also full of toys, kinky equipment and lingerie for us to pass the time with, although if you’re after more specialist kink furniture, let’s discuss visiting a dungeon. I also sometimes see clients in Bristol, as I'm often in the South West.
What do you enjoy?
Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain. Also butt plugs.
Are you real?
Is anyone? Phenomenology aside, I appreciate that one ought to keep an eye out for catfish in this day and age, but rest assured, I’m genuine. You can check my twitter for selfies and updates, and you’ll see from my Friends Page that I’m fortunate enough to keep company with a host of other verifiable independent providers.
Do you see couples?
Sometimes. I love playing with couples, but only do so when I’m confident that both parties are equally eager to be there. If that’s you, wonderful, I can’t wait to hear from you both. And for the love of God, please don't suggest we "surprise" your partner with a threesome. Unsurprisingly, this is a terrible, non-consensual idea.
I’m a journalist/blogger, can I interview you?
Perhaps unsurprisingly, I am really selective about media. If you have a proven track record of writing intelligently about sex, sex work and kink, absolutely, feel free to get in touch with examples of your past work and a brief outline of the piece. If you’re looking to write the same old article about high class escorts and sexual empowerment, I’m not the contributor for you. And if you're anything to do with Louis Theroux, please don't let the door hit you on the way out.
Do you ever tour?
I’m rather besotted with London, so tend to pass my time here. However, I tour occasionally, and post updates on my twitter and via mynewsletter accordingly. And of course, for those that prefer immediate gratification, there’s always the option to fly me to you, or jetting off somewhere tropical and secluded together. I’ll bring a bikini and those little cocktail umbrellas.
What about testimonials & reviews?
My Uber rating is 4.89 (because I always tip) and in 2019, when I was 29, a woman selling Remembrance Day poppies knocked on my front door and then asked "if my mum or dad was home". And if those two facts don't sufficiently convince you of my youthful beauty and charm, nothing else on here will.
Admittedly I am a total stranger, but would you like to see a poorly composed photo of my penis?
Ambassador, you spoil me! What a rare and cherished gift, and one that would make my heart thrill. You can send this to me directly here