On Communication

As you may have seen me discussing on Twitter last week, communication is at the heart of my work as a professional submissive. This applies just as much in the bedroom as it does out of it, and it’s for this reason that I spend a fair amount of time talking with lovers about our meeting in advance. In the past, a handful of prospective clients have expressed a dislike for this – which is, of course, their right – but I don’t generally go on to meet with people that don’t understand how important this is to me.

In the interest of transparency, I thought I’d elaborate on what to expect with regards to pre-session communications if you’re seeking a booking, and why I place so much emphasis on this.

When a client first contacts me, I ask for a brief introductory email, outlining who they are, what sort of experience they’re looking to have, some possible dates and times, and references from those they’ve met with previously. If all that information is in that introductory email (and unfortunately it often isn’t..), we’ll then start an email correspondence. I’ll follow up on references, and then we’ll confirm a date to meet. For reference, my diary fills up a minimum of a  week ahead, so I prioritise requests with adequate lead time.

Once that’s in the diary, we’ll arrange a time to speak on the phone. For me, this conversation is incredibly useful. It’s a good ice breaker and helps dispense with any initial nerves on a client’s part, and it also gives us both a mutual sense of reassurance that the other is polite, respectful and ‘gets it’. We’ll talk in more detail about the session and discuss mutual likes and dislikes. I know for some people, talking candidly about what you like can be stressful, but I can’t emphasise enough how useful it is to know in advance what someone enjoys. It means I can plan our time together better, ensure I have the relevant equipment ready, and articulate my own desires and limits clearly in response. It’s for this reason that I’ll spend some time talking this through, and ensuring I’ve really heard everything a client is interested in.

The phone call also works to ensure both parties have a clear set of expectations around the date, so that everything goes as smoothly as possible. Whilst I’ll do as much as I can to ensure new clients feel comfortable and at ease, there’s no getting away from the fact that we’re meeting as relative strangers. We’ve not had the time to discover certain information organically, as we would if were dating. Consequentially, clarity around things like safer sex practises, limits and etiquette help to minimise any possible awkwardness that could impact on our time together.  Whilst on the phone I also like to go over some logistics about what happens on the day, such as timings and location. This is less sexy but equally important, and hopefully means that my clients don’t have to stress about uncertain plans on the day.

Finally, once we’re off the phone, I’ll send over an email recapping on everything we discussed, so that a client has it in writing. I also send through a link to my etiquette guide, which is a comprehensive overview of how I like to play, useful links and info about kink, and other information that I’m often asked for in advance. There’s also a few gratuitous naked photos thrown in for good measure.

I’m aware that to some, this seems like a lot of information, and perhaps is not the speediest process. Let me assure you that that’s very much my intention. I receive far more enquiries than I’m able to respond to. I’m selective about who I see, and prefer to only meet with those I feel I have shared values with. If someone is looking for something cursory, and isn’t willing to take time planning our session, then I’m not the right provider for them. As a result of this outlook, I tend to only meet with men and women I genuinely click with. Happily, this leads to some pretty mind blowing sexual connections, built from a shared appreciation of communication and consent.

Furthermore, I’m a professional, and I hope this (frankly more labour-intensive) process reflects that. I ascribe to the idea that if a thing’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right, and I bring that approach to the organisation of my sessions. I like to know that logistics are taken care of well in advance, to leave us both free to daydream about what we’ll be getting up to when we meet. Because ultimately, that’s what all the communication and planning leads up to: fireworks.

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